launching a Guaranteed Equity Bond…

So at last I am entering the business of Fund Management……

and here is my New Product launch:

It is a 4% Guaranteed Equity Bond – and will be launched on 1st April 2014.

Fund Managers: H S Mehta and K M Parekh

Disclaimer: any resemblance to anybody from the past market scams is purely coincidental. Both the managers are qualified well enough to own sprawling houses in South Mumbai. They drive a high end Mercedes, take vacations once in 4 months, and have an amazing wardrobe.

Fund Review will be done only by the media, the chief performance analyser is Mr. Arnab and the quarterly working will be announced only on his channel as a breaking news.

A special requirement is this fund performance details should not be shared with Uma Shashikant, Sucheta Dalal, Debashis Basu, Balakrishnan R Balakrishnan, and Deepak Shenoy. Of course once you have invested we will give you the details.

Broadly here are the details of the product: Invest in the Subramoney managed  Guaranteed Equity Bond Issue. This is the first tranche and I hope to raise about US $ 1 billlion, with a green shoe option of US $ 100 billion (just in case my blog gets too damn popular) 

Your capital is not at risk (unless the stock market drops by 32.5% between August 13th 2022 and January 22nd 2024) and after five years you’ll get 31% of the gain in the Sensex (unless it’s up over 75%, in which case you’ll get the 2/3 of any gain over 21% plus half the number you first thought of). One more option is you can take 1.45X your daughter’s age or 2.67X your grand-daughter’s age – whichever is higher.

You can cash in your bond at any time after the 10 year lock-in, provided it’s a third Friday of either April or October on every odd year from the day you bought the bond.

The regulator is yet to see the terms – we could not decide on which regulator will whet such a product…will it be SEBI or IRDA, or perhaps RBI. Since it involves foreign exchange we may have to ask for FERA permission – does it make sense to you?

Any questions, you are welcome to ask, I have no answer, so it does not matter….

 

 

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4 Responses to “launching a Guaranteed Equity Bond…”

  1. I am all for investing my hard earned money, I am selling off my belongings, maxing out my credit card, borrowing from my friends and relatives, and investing here, just let me know how and where to deposit the cash.
    ROFL.

    The things I like the most, to keep it secret from the prying eyes of the fin spook’s mentioned above.

  2. LOL, that was very good. 🙂

    For a moment, after reading the first line, I really thought you are into it. 🙂

  3. Subra,

    Way to go!!!! I was laughing hysterically at the comp screen.

    And yes, btw, if you do succeed I will have known atleast one scamster. I missed KM by a whisker and pretty upset about it.

    SAM

  4. By any chance, does it mirror a new Reliance Fund launch ? A closed ended fund with both equity + debt component & if I am right, with a “Guarantee” clause.. Is it?

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