One friend (lets call him A) came to me complaining about another friend saying ‘D has not returned my loan of Rs. 44,000’.

He perhaps wanted a shoulder – and my readers know ‘I hate tears’ (LOL: Amar Prem, Rajesh Khanna!).

So I turned and said ‘Why did D choose you to borrow from?’

A was stunned. He wanted sympathy. He expected me to say ‘D is so cruel, such a cheap character, ….etc.’ However we need to accept that we are a victim of our own actions.

‘A’ always wanted to play God and would go around wanting to look superior. So in the friends circle people see him NOT AS A HELPER, but as a guy who was BUYING RESPECT by gifting, loaning, etc. Well when your aim of giving the loan was ‘to look good’ – be happy he took it. Why should you be worried you have not got it back?

The world picks up signals very clearly. If you do not want to give a loan, say NO.

Why did A get chosen over so many others whom ‘D’ knew? Simple A was clearly giving signals of ‘wanting to give a loan’.

I am not here to tell you whether you should give a loan or not – it is your call. However if a lot of people are taking ‘loans’ from you and not returning it, obviously, something is wrong with YOU, not the borrowers.

Sorry if I am sounding cruel – but if a friend comes and says – I need a loan.

In 9 cases out of 10 he is saying ‘My lifestyle got me into this mess’ or ‘I made wrong choices, did not have an emergency fund, did not carry enough insurance, married wrong’  or something like this.

If you cannot change that, giving a loan is foolish. You still wish to help, give a gift. Anyway the amount will not come back, at least tell him you know it. Even if you do not tell him, tell yourself.

If you want to say NO, but are embarrassed to say so tell your friend ‘My wife and I have a policy….loans about ‘X’ have to be jointly approved. It helps our financial harmony’. It is actually true!

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  1. Hi,

    I think giving loan to friend based on lifestyle reason is totally foolish. If he is your true friend then let bear some trouble. I am sure by this way he learned valuable lesson for future.

  2. Subrasir,

    Spot on, as always!

    Your blog is becoming more and more about life itself, rather than only money. It is a good thing.

    Change the name of your blog to

  3. I faced serious problems by giving loans to friends. I really wanted to help them. I did not tell to other friends that I had given loan to so and so. I admit those were completely my mistakes. I lost around 8 lakh rupees by giving loans. My sincere advice is please say ‘NO’ when someone asks you money, in most of the cases you will not get back the money and you will loose peace of mind as well.

  4. Absolutely true. When you give loans to friends/relatives, you are at their mercy. There is no point crying over it. Be ready to lose the friend or the money or both. :).

    Nice blog as usual.

  5. My line is– my religious practice does not allow for loans. 🙂 If required I add some spice from the scriptures and talk about karma.

  6. All personal loans not backed by collateral is a GRANT. Dont expect it to come back. But of course one can pretend to the taker its a loan, it may reduce the number of people wanting to ask more loans..
    If the money does come back and you STILL dont need it, it can be given to a proper charity – of course it could have been done first time around – but some experiences are necessary in life.

  7. Its always better to say NO rather than repent later. Sometimes relations are not affected even if you say NO to a person. I teach my team member to say NO if required (not always)

  8. @Subra
    Same thing should be said for people who sign surety for loans. They are the people who will ultimately pay it back.

  9. Hi Jaleel,

    Is there any particular complaint you have against our loan service? We would want to understand your concerns more appropriately. Please write to us with your query and contact details at and we’ll get back to you. Kindly refer “2276102” in the subject line.

    ICICI Bank Customer Service Team

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