“My favorite grandson passed away……” read my sms – my neighbor of 40 years was sending it to me on Jhanmashtami. Hey Krishna what is this..was the only thing I could ask the Lord…this cannot be a birthday cruelty God..then I realised why I was at a loss of words.

Orphan, Widow, Widower,…are all words which describe bereavement. Did you know that the founders of the English language have no word to describe the death of a child? Was it too cruel for them to think of a word to describe it?

Is this why I cannot find words to describe the loss of ‘Anand’ from the lives of Vimal and Vinay Salvi? Has the happiness gone out of her life, or has she lost a part of her future? I cannot even think of the grief of bereaved parents – for a mother a part of her has been ripped apart. For the father it is the loss of a friend apart from the loss of a kid.

What do you say to the parent who must have died a thousand deaths – in the last 14 days when her son was battling for life at Apollo Ahmedabad?

Tell her “May God give you strength” or ‘Things will be normal soon’  – to me all these words sound hollow. How to bring it to my lips when my heart does not believe it?

The plight of parents who have to pretend that they are alive is tough – but the pretense has to be kept up because they themselves are children of grandparents who are battling the loss of a grandchild. Oh My God, this feels so unfair.

Krishna at least you were around for Arjuna and Yudhishtra – Vimal and Vinay need you. On your Jhanmashtami you can at least come to them in some form and console them. Surely you are standing there helping them, please give them the strength to recognise your presence. In a weak movement they may not be able to recognise you. You were able to ask them “Are you crying for the body that was temporary, or rejoice for the soul which has gone to a different body”.

Other children cannot take the place of a child who has passed away. The vaccum will always be felt.

In a world where we live, we need to blame somebody – the motorcycle, the helmet, the footpath on which he hit his head, – without realising that these are just tools for Krishna to do what he wants to do. Does blaming help?

Krishna I am not even wondering whether you are reading my blog, I know you will be there for Vimala and Vinay, especially when you have taken away the Anand of their lives.

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  1. well written piece Subra. Did not realize that there is no word for a parent losing a child. Surely it is cruel..but do we miss the person?

    What I mean is the parents are sad because THEY have lost a kid, I agree. However all our sadness also is from selfishness. Selfless love teaches you to let go. Selfish love clings on for OUR need – not for the soul of the departed soul..correct?

  2. Asoke, I would like to disagree… I am not sure how some one can love selflessly/ how can the sadness be selfishness !!!!! after all soul/hear is not stone (I am not sure if stone feels pain, everyone says it doesn’t feel or it don’t have life!). As far I understand .. if you love some one truly (who ever it may be child, mother, wife, brother , father, grand parents, friends etc)… there is no way one cant feel pain.. when u realize that they are no longer going to be with you/ when u realize you’ll never ever see that person in your life again! .. i dont think that it is selfishness….

  3. What Asoke is saying is correct. Normally we miss a person BECAUSE WE COULD HAVE HAD FUN WITH HIM..not because what that person would have missed. So it is selfish. Realising this also helps in reducing our grief – the guilt of being selfish reduces the grief. Very philosophical..but yes Asoke you are right – and right from the Vedas.

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