When you start life you start very innocently. When a person says ‘I like you’ you believe it. When a person says ‘I love you’ or ‘I respect you’ – you tend to believe it. At a young stage of life or a relationship you do not attribute motives to any such statements.
Then you hear what this person says behind your back. First it is a case of disbelief – you do not wish to believe it. Then somebody else says ‘this person is using your name’. You say ‘Ha a kid…let her do it’. Or ‘old frustrated man’ let him do it. Then she calls for some favor. You do it. Not without expectations (that is the killer). You expect an acknowledgement. It does not come. Well, she must be busy you tell yourself. If you call her a kid, treat her like a kid. So you indulge. The old man still has common friends. You hear whispers, you ignore.
If it is somebody older, you say ‘do not judge’. If it is somebody moody, you wait for the mood to change. If it is a person going through a painful relationship problem, you wait for it to improve.
Judging causes pain.
Maybe the email did not reach. Maybe she was out of coverage area. You know how bad networks are. Then you get evidence that the relationship is over. It takes time to accept.
Then you feel disappointed. No there was nothing in the relationship to fret, fume, cry over or be worried…but you do all that. Then you realize that it is expectations which has created the disappointment. You are reminded of Kim Eickhoff’s note on disappointments!
Being disappointed is all about perspective. It took me a long time to realize this. I was under the impression that if someone did something I didn’t like, or a situation evolved that I wasn’t happy with, then I had the “right” to be disappointed….. So… how do we change our perceptions?
By becoming more aware of what your perceptions and beliefs are. You cannot change what you do not understand. So spend some time looking internally and when you become disappointed, think about what is disappointing you. Is it really the situation or the person, or is it because they are not behaving in a way you believe they should behave?
Then slowly as you do this, force yourself to look at the bigger picture of what is going on. Force yourself to see the situation from a new perspective and offer positive spins on what has happened. I believe that the more you do this, the less you will be disappointed because you will stop taking things so personally. You will also begin to realize that the way things turn out are the way things are supposed to turn out, whether they are in line with your beliefs or not.You also thank God for sending somebody in your life who taught something about relationships. After all everybody does not come into your life for a life time. All people come for a season, reason or life time. It is all because God wanted to teach you something. So this girl taught you that ‘I respect you’ has no meaning that is all. Acknowledge her contribution to your leaning!! Or the old frustrated man is now in pain and cannot see you happy with others. Some of them whom he does not even know. He/she is frustrated. When you see that side, you feel amused. Sad for a wasted life – and wasted tons of other people’s time and money of course. However it gives you a chance to stand outside your body and laugh. No expectations, no disappointments.
This will lead you to feeling more in control of your emotions as well as of your behaviors and actions. You will also be able to use any challenge as an opportunity to grow, develop, and move your life forward, because you will not continuously be knocked down by disappointment.
You also wonder why you gave somebody so much power to disappoint you! After all that power is worth retaining it with you, right? Why give it away?
Of course a different take on the whole thing is to be like Mark Twain. He says ‘When I see a person ending a relationship with me..I realize that the other person’s loss is far greater than mine!’.
So take Mark Twain’s attitude or Kim Eickhoff’s attitude – do not worry, be happy!
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