Sebi read somewhere that more the disclosure the better it is. Awesome. I believe that too. So I looked for the remuneration and pensions of the Sebi officials. Oops did not find it. Where can I find it please Sebi? Then I decided an IMAGINARY SEBI BIG SHOT.

Then I decided to read some articles about how ULIP was a great article. I did find one. I decided to find out how much the editor of that paper makes. Oops did not find that on the website of the paper.

Then I saw my mutual fund returns. I wanted to know how much this fund manager was getting as a salary. I could not find it on the website. Sebi told me that it will be available from April 2016. Nice nice, now I will be able to able to know from which fund to switch. The least paid CEO should be the best fund to invest I presume.

I went to the HO of an Amc. I was impressed, I wanted to know how much rent they were paying, but SEBI said that is none of your business it is debited to the PnL of the Amc, not to the unit holder’s funds. Oh, I did not know that, sorry sir, but why did you get so angry sir? I see some familiar name as the land lord, but that is another story sir, I will not bring it up.

Sir, May I know how much an amc spent on Equity research?

Sebi official: Subra why do you not stick to what is charged to you? You teach for the NISM exam right? You know that the research costs are not debited to the unit holder’s account.

Me: Sir I thought salaries are also not debited to the unit holder sir, if I may remind you. It is debited to the PnL of the amc.

Sebi official: then it should not matter to you.

Actually sir, I was wondering whether I could see the PORTFOLIO of the CEO, CIO, Trustees and the directors?

Sebi official: What nonsense is this? why should this be disclosed?

Me: Sir, so that whether they have any skin in the game?

Sebi: What nonsense are you talking. Investing is a serious business there is no skin show or a game.

Me: No sir, that is not what I meant, I may not have made myself clear.

Sebi: You are talking to a top official of the Finance Ministry, please be careful.

Me: Sorry sir. By the way sir do you invest in mutual funds, more specifically equity funds?

Sebi: no, of course not. Do you not know Equity is risky?

Me: Sir, do not mind my asking..but what would be your pension when you retire?

Sebi: Not sure but I guess it will be about Rs. 1,33,000.

Me: sir you will also get a servant allowance, phone allowance and medical expenses for the rest of your life because you are an IAS

Sebi big shot: Yes you are more or less accurate

Me: Sir you would not have got this if you were an IPS or IFS officer

Sebi: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Me: Sir, technically you do not need to worry about investing in equity because your pension is indexed.

Sebi big shot: well yes. I have a nice house which I got at a discounted rate and has a market value of about Rs. 5 crores.

Me: wow. Whistle. Sir one more question…

Sebi big shot: No Subra already I feel you are going to put all this in your blog and people will know that I am talking about equity markets without investing in it and talking about disclosure but nobody knows my pension. Please keep it confidential.

Me: No sir, I got your pension figure from the Nic website, I was just confirming..

I then decided to see how much money my agent who sells mutual funds to me makes. Sebi told me that figure will be available to me in April. I mean April onwards. Unfortunately typical of Sebi they did not tell me how I am supposed to use that information. I then rationalised that if my fund adviser made more than I made, something should be wrong with the INDUSTRY. It will mean that the fund industry is making so much that they can give so much to the adviser. This is a good number for me. I will decide to go to direct equity. However, there too I will need an adviser (other than a broker) and SEBI does not tell me how to compensate that adviser. I have been told that Sebi does not allow a profit based remuneration. That is sad is it not?

What else to do ?

Suppose I have a portfolio of Rs. 5 crores and I find that my distributor makes Rs. 5Lakhs a year, what should I do? Along with that I also find that the CEO of the fund house makes about Rs. 4 crores, the CIO makes about Rs. 3.8 crores, and I earned about Rs. 50Lakhs in terms of appreciation, will SEBI or some hallowed journalist tell me how I should use this information.

One thing I have noticed is the cars that CEOs use, journalists use, advisers use, and regulators use. To me that is also useful information. Do not know how you guys will react to that.

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  1. Nice satire. Very imaginative and brilliant way of reporting what is happening at SEBI and what and how they work/operate.
    I am told that consultant/investment bankers who advise for all the M&A deals happening globally, earn a very handsome and enviable money. And everybody know it. Does it stop any body from making the deal. Nonsense.

    What purpose SEBI would achieve by way of openly declaring the commission earned by a distributor/adviser.

    And very rightly said, SEBI officials should declare their income, assets, perks and post-retirement benefits on their website including of their spouse and immediate family members also so that public at large can understand how much they make money.

    “Those living in glass houses should not throw stones at others”.

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