If you attended IFA meets (where they meet to award themselves ‘best’, ‘gold’ , ‘silver’ etc.) and you hear their language you will be shocked to hear their language! Anyway that is a different post is it not? Today let us look at what the bad adviser’s language sounds like:

1. Why do you not play the market for some fantastic gains? : A guy who talks about my money as ‘play’ has no business handling it for me.

2. An adviser who says “buy this now, the product is closing on 31st…”He is simply selling a product and has a deadline. YOU do not.

3. We need to review your portfolio on a quarterly basis and adjust annually. Sorry not necessary.

4. We need to buy some Put Options on your portfolio as the short term risk in the market is high. If my portfolio manager said this to me I would be fine….not if my IFA tells me this. Do not trust your IFA to take short/ long term market calls. THEY CANNOT.

5. You need life insurance too? Why not combine life insurance and investment? It means having fewer products. By the way did I tell you my wife is a life insurance agent? So we can do all the paper work in my office!!

6. “Arre do you know I met a HNI client…and I stuck a big endowment plan on him?” – guess what he is saying to the next client?

7. I am an agent for xyz life insurance, my wife for abc …insurance, my father for def life……hey you have met a product seller – I am not saying that, HE SAID IT HIMSELF.

8. Prescribing before diagnosis, is the surest way to hell.

9. It is a proprietary model..issue the cheque favoring our firm..we will create a spv for you. One bank does that by issuing statements in your name….but your money is lying in a few mutual funds.

10. In our prop model we can get you much higher returns from equity with lesser volatility and risk. Our bond funds are in dynamic funds where he fund manager adjusts the duration himself.

11. Jargon dropping. Alpha, beta, gamma, Futures, Options, calls, tactical asset allocation, …..if he/ she throws all this at you, FLEE.

Oh there are more….wait for a later post….!!

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  1. lakshminarasimman

    sir one more signal is

    if you go to the bank for updating address and the guy asks how is your investment going please talk to your relationship manager

    this happened to me with a pvt bank where i have the privilige of holding their accounts

  2. @Lakshminarasimhan:

    Quite true.

    One other side is the kind of spying/monitoring done on your bank balances which I detest. For whatever reason, if your balance is high, phone calls start happening. Isn’t there some kind of privacy law which prohibits RMs from peeking into your balances?

  3. Wondering what would have happened if these “awards” were given by the customers of the IFAs! Especially ex-customers 🙂

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