Many a times you get into toxic relationships, OBVIOUSLY without realising that it is toxic. Why is it obvious? and to whom is it obvious? It is obvious to the outside world, but not to us!

This could be a colleague, a ‘friend’,  a relative, – the list is endless. I know a person who changed his car pool because one of the co-passengers was a painful cribber! So identifying the toxic relationship is necessary, and of utmost importance. Look around carefully. If there are persons who increase your blood pressure the minute you mention their name or when you see their name on the phone keypad, FOR YOU THEY ARE TOXIC.

Let us see what can be done in such a situation!

1. Remember cribbers can crib about anything: ‘It is a hot day’ or ‘It rains so much in Mumbai’ , ‘Politicians are so corrupt’. Why is all this a crib? Simply because you plan to do NOTHING ABOUT IT, but carry the burden all through the conversation (journey sometimes) and it does nothing to help you.

All days are God’s creations. You are an atheist? Ok all days are part of the calendar!

2. Identify the people who make you feel bad, low, guilty, – as soon as you identify the better it is for you.

3. See how important is the relationship to you: Other than a parent or a sibling you might be able to end any relationship – a change of job or a divorce is still possible. Sure you may not need such a drastic action, but one never knows.

4. Think how the relationship started, what went right, what went wrong. Introspect. Meditation and Introspection are very helpful for reducing stress.

5. If you cannot remove that person keep a time frame – half an hour once a week or half an hour once a fortnight. If it is a friend’s mother – and you are her next of kin for all practical purposes, try taking somebody along with you. A spouse, a friend, your kid – so that the toxicity is shared or you can talk some other subject.

6. If it is a colleague – request for a change of place.

7. If it is a friend, reduce the interaction – number of times and the time spent in each meet.

8. Take a deep breath to see whether you are being toxic to somebody. In a well intentioned manner you could be toxic for somebody else. Make sure you are not.




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  1. Good post/link sir.

    One has to remember that toxicity is not easily visible.

    I was in a relationship for 2 years. It gave me happiness which clouded everything else in my life. For 2 years, all my time was being spent on it. And thereby my finances were going nowhere, personal improvement was nil, socializing was very low, etc.

    After two years when it ended, I began to feel depressed about losing that relationship. But once I realized what all I’d lost DURING the relationship, that made me feel much worse.

    I am trying to make up for the 2 whole years lost, with a vengeance.

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