Should you pay the bill?
There are 2 case studies..where I had a cruelly different view from what society has…normally.
Case 1: A 64 year old man with a 63 year old wife. Their net worth is about Rs. 100 L and they have a house in South Mumbai – wait don’t get ideas. It is a chawl with a sale value of Rs. 90L in a best case scenario. They have a ready buyer at Rs. 78L.
They have a completely useless son aged 38 years, and sufferring from liver failure. The doc has quoted a stunningly high figure running into a couple of million.
I was asked for a view. I said parents should not pay for the liver failure of a drunkard. No. I am not being judgemental. This great son of theirs was not worth raising – he has done nothing economical for them so far. NPV is negative so to say. He has not held a regular job, drinks regularly, and now has liver failure and is waiting for a liver donor – an accident victim so to say.
What is your view?
Another case – A 55 year old worker with Rs. 8L in his Provident fund account, and having his own house. Other investments/savings are close to nil. His 75 year old father has cancer and needs about Rs. 5L for treatment. Well that is the expected figure over a period of time – say a couple of years. He has a 22 year old Daughter who wants him to pay for her MBA class – Rs. 9L is what the total costs are. Her argument? She is sure to get a Rs. 5L starting salary – the school where she is planning to do has an average placement of Rs. 8L per annum.
What is your view?
Please leave your comment …it will be interesting to read different views….
nithin lakshmanan
Agree on case 1. In case 2, he helps the father with cancer . Daughter has to take a student loan
Ashwani Gupta
1. first case no help if it is clear that the liver issue is due to drinking
2. student loan for the daughter
3. since the father is 75 would not spend on his treatment. purely from a medical angle. Cancer treatment at 70+ creates other health issues and you are basically going down hill, one way or another. Saying this from personal experience. Sorry if it sounds Cold and insensitive.
Mira D
Agree on the first case. Even after transplant many lifestyle changes, immunosupressants etc required which this person will not be able to do.
Second case..student loan for daughter. For the father ..I know logic is not to spend or take debt ..but the operation n treatment will likely cost much more.. I don’t know…I personally would have used up all resources….my blind spot.
Pradip Chinnakonda
Agree in 1st case. In 2nd case, student loan is an option but at the same time look for free treatment provided by trust run hospitals or should undergo treatment under Aayushman bharat scheme.
rkhgajjar
First case, Obvious ,No help,let him face eventuality.
Second Case
Find a middle path
Help both with limited resources in limited way
Both ,Father & Daughter deserve to helped within limits.
Pradeep
1st case – agreed but be careful bcoz the son might get enraged and do something bad. Save the useful house not the useless son
2nd case – Treat the father if its curable, sometimes based on stages the treatment may or may not succeed. So take an informed decision keeping emotions in check but it will be very very difficult to decide. Regardless, let the daughter take a loan. if a 5L salary is an absolute given, whats the issue in taking a loan? Surely the parent spent on her UG already.
Vikas
In both the cases, money needs to be spent on treatment.
Sanju
Do we treat our family well only when they have economic benefit to offer? I guess those commenting are projecting there own response (what if analysis) or don’t have kids or the kid turned out to be good. We can’t even explain our own behavior to such an event until we actually face it.
How can a father/mother let his/her son/daughter die in front of their eyes? Somehow that is justifiable because they didn’t turn out to be as *good* as we expect them to be?
There are two sides:
1. Financially – yes they can’t afford it. but a 64 year old with only 1 Cr. with no other income is screwed anyway. By not helping, they may avoid doom for may be 2 additional years. Is it worth it?
2. Emotionally – do you have guts to face yourself after sentencing your son/daughter to die? Would your answer change if they were model kids instead of so called useless kid? Any person who doesn’t hold a job and drinks is ready to be killed?
Why do we work and save money?
SS
Sir, These are questions on love rather than logic. 🙂
In case-1 public may hate the drunkard. But old couple love their son. Love can powerfully blind the couple from seeing the logical outcome and shun all the advises. Especially, no amount of money can beg a mother to give-up her love towards son. (Reverse is possible).
In case -2 it is a case of love towards ascendants vs love towards descendants. In this case, love of son for his father would prevail – as there is no ‘loss of life’ vs a ‘loss of career’. Tomorrow if 55 yr old gets cancer, his daughter will choose her daughter’s career neglecting him. Would that be justified?
All said, It is easy to say from outside. But difficult to over come the dilemma for the person facing it.
Sagar
Case 1: Sell the house at 78L, reserve 35L for sons treatment. Remaining 43L + 100L keep in bank and move tier 2/3 old age home. Use monthly return to pay for old age home facilities.
Case 2: try to get some help for his father treatment from NGO or government schemes. For daughter education, ask her to work for 2 years, specifically in the area in which she want to do the MBA ( finance/sales etc) she will get experience plus some savings. For remaining amount go for educational loan.
Mohit Goyal
I agree with SS comments… both cases are of love vs logic…We cannot be judgemental with an economic standpoint alone. Love cannot be bought or measured (neither it should be regretted if case1/2 decision goes wrong)…
Still case2 appears simple – daughter should go for education loan as others said. It makes sense from economic point-of-view as well (education debt is cheaper and makes 1 responsible for life’s upcoming hurdles, also infuses a lifelong sense of achievement & confidence once debtor repays it back)
Nikhil Rodrigues
All those people commenting on case 1 to not pay, just imagine if it were your son/daughter. No logic can convince the old couple to not pay. Whatever their son has done in past and however he leads life. These things don’t and should not work with logic. It’s the burden and pain you accept and move ahead.
Krish
Unfortunately this is case of all households in India. No one thinks and prepares for any emergency. Everyone thinks sudden ailments, accidents, job loss, losing investments, frauds and death are not for them but for others. When the crisis hits, they are not able to deal and goes completely blank or reckless often breaking the families.
krishnakumar Rao
I know of someone who lost his job, sold his house and Gold, to survive. Paid his son for Engg and other studies. Married off his daughter and is surviving on the left over savings. Son got a decent job in MNC, handsome salary over few years. Sunk himself in Credit card loans due to vices. Father gave him 9L from his left over savings to pay off partial loan with a plan that Son will reduce his expenses, first pay off the balance loans and start returning the amount loaned by the father after 18 months. Son happily is spending still and refused to return the father’s money as well as he is not even supporting the parents to survive.
What is the point of having a son for whom the parents gave up a lot inspite of their own difficulties?
MB
Being on a Finance blog everyone thinks in terms of finance.
1st Case : irrespective of how the son has turned out. it’s love of Parents which will decide if they spend money on him or not. It was the love for the son which allowed the son to go this path of being a liver-failure … at times Parents have to be strict and beyond reasons to keep things in check.
Case 2: is idle for NGO/Govt Treatment to be pursued and ask daughter to take Loan. Repay in part if situation improves.
again in this case the love of daughter for her parents will decide if the above solution is even required to be executed. many a times a offspring turns a saviour for everyone. They just need the chance.
chirag
Why don’t both of them have health insurance
Shankar Seetharaman
Let us take the first case again…. the son is a drunkard and has a liver surgery that costs more than that can be afforded by the couple. The question is what the couple think they want from this life, if they feel they would like to take a chance with trying to change the life of their son, then they should take their chances after consulting and getting the cheapest possible effective treatment. At 63 they are still capable. To enable their son to get a life, they may need to do more than just support his surgery but will also need to get some counselling done. At 38 he still has the capacity to make something of the remainder of his life and also theirs. This is a tough call – should they only look at past behaviour or should try and fashion something better. So let’s say they earmark 20 lacs for the treatment and use the remaining money to support a frugal but healthy life. It is possible to live a life on the investment of the balance Rs. 1.5-1.7 Cr assuming they sell their house. It is tough, but the optimist can make things happen. I am think of the parents living with the thought that they did not try hard enough.
Deepak
Case 1) if only son, sell the house and get treatment. Without son, what will they live for ?
Case 2) cancer treatment at 75, doesn’t really happen , only early stages and no chemotherapy due to old age. Go for that management of disease, and fund education.
dr m kishan
I would rather never be in such a situation, but we don’t know what God has in store.
I am a cardiac surgeon. Just today a patient came for cardiac surgery. This patient is a smoker. About 8 years back he had undergone angioplasty. But even after persuasion from friends and family he did not stop smoking. Result- the stent got blocked and the disease progressed requiring surgery now. I asked the son whether he was sure for spending amount on surgery for the father because it was most probable that after surgery he would resume smoking and that would be complete loss of all the efforts. But the son was sure that he would be taking loan and spending on the father’s treatment even though there were chances that the patient may resume smoking. His surgery is to be done in 2-3 days
Love, Relationship, emotions come above logic and money. And isn’t it not that we are teaching our children. Relationships will always be above money. Period.
I feel in both the cases, health, love and attachment would and should precede the financial aspect. In the second case the daughter can be asked to compromise for a cheaper college or can be helped by taking loan. If really finances were above love and health, the doctors would never be treating any terminally ill cancer patients where death is imminent and the ROI is a big ZERO
My two cents. Hope I did not hurt anyone. Sorry if I did.
Kishan