Once you are a consultant, and have clients in relationships, you are asked for the vaguest of help. Pro Bono. No, not because they do not want to pay, but I have no clue how to, and whether to charge for such things.

Let us see one such “assignment”.

Subra will you please speak to my son? Ask him about his life plans…me and my husband are worried. This was my friend’s uncle telling me this.

Off I went.

Here is this ‘boy’ who is staying in a rented house, is in his second job, has no girlfriend (no boyfriend either, he confirmed!!), earns well, stays with his sister (8 years younger, cousin). Both brother and sister find this convenient – they have a cook, a maid, …one younger brother was to join them soon in this ‘family rented’ home…

What was his father’s problem? The boy was 35 years of age…..

well my queries (for which I needed answers)….were:

– when will he ‘settle down’? Indian euphemism for getting married.

– when will start saving/ investing (how can he earn Rs. 21 lakhs and have no savings?)

– when will he be committed to a nice job (he has a good job in a big Indian group with Mnc like compensation benefits)

– why does he not buy a house, car, pension plan, life insurance – Manly products to show that he has arrived.

– at this age his father had 2 kids, had bought a house, and had even put one kid through 2 years of school.

This 62 year old man was aghast that this generation was not willing to accept responsibility, did not want to commit to a pension plan, did not want to get married, no home loan – so no EMI.

I actually have no solution, in fact I did not even have the questions!

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  1. Being single has one huge advantage. Your time is yours and gives you incredible amount of time to invest in yourself. Of course, if one is spending his paycheck on partying/clubbing and whatever passes for youth-culture today, there is a bigger problem and getting him married is only going to make more people miserable. Who knows.. the ‘kid’ could be the next Aaron copland (I googled artists who never married – 🙂 )

  2. i think it is the Peter Pan syndrome. Some people just do not want to grow up and accept responsibilities like wife, children, EMI, …etc. I AM NOT SAYING IT IS WRONG…just saying this gen is different from ours. Nothing right or wrong.

  3. I am 33 and not married. I save 50% or more of my income and invest it. I have life insurance, have bought a house (loan has been paid off), have a good job in a reputed organization.

    I workout 5 days a week and live a healthy lifestyle. I am learning a new language and also teaching the same.

    I don’t drink or smoke. I don’t go to clubs/parties. I don’t like owning expensive things like cars, gadgets.

    I have lots of goals in life (want to be financially independent, want to volunteer, want to play guitar, learn a martial art, etc, etc).

    I would not mind if I had a romantic relationship but I don’t see the need to get married just to show that I am responsible. I have been responsible since I can remember. The only reason I will get married is to please my parents and give the “illusion” of being settled.

    I think it is the Indian mindset which is too restricted and cannot think on it’s own. Unfortunately the old generation is causing the new one to suffer because of this. But hopefully the new generation will be more open in their thinking and this cycle of brainwashing will get changed in the near future.

  4. Why is the father so worried? Thats my bigggest problem. If I had a 35 year old, earning 21 lakhs and independent.. I would be thrilled!

  5. Marriage for Indian men has become dangerous, what with dozens of biased marriage and divorce laws which are terribly one-sided. Plus most of these laws are merrily misused resulting in increasing incidence of suicide among married men. It turns a hell for the parents and siblings of men too.

    That is the main reason Indian men shun marriage.

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