Hi kids of the graduating batch of 2013!
There are certain things that I ‘forgot’ to tell you in 2011. It is also called ‘suppresso veri’ – well it is a legal language to mean ‘hiding of the truth’ but my job did not allow me to tell you the following.
The following is also the main reason why I do not get to teach / address students in MBA schools. Some people call me cynical. Some call me sceptical (some of you spell this skeptical I am told). Younger people of course call me senile, but people older than me, cannot call me senile, because …you know how it goes, right?
So for a list crazy generation, here is the list:
1. When we said the average salary in our campus was Rs. 800,000 – we took the top most salary of Rs. 14,50,000 and the bottom of the salary of Rs. 150,000. Mean, median, mode, geometric mean we did not bother to calculate. Standard deviation be damned.
2. We will teach you things that are completely irrelevant: we will teach you platitudes like ‘if it ain’t broken, do not fix it’ . However in the real world the best time to sell a business might be at the top of the cycle.
3. The world is not really waiting for you: We beg, plead, grovel in front of corporates so that they come here for placement interviews. We offer easy PhDs in HR – so that the middle level exec in HR is tempted to call us his alma mater – but you need not know that…or must you?
4. Do not over analyze and think your analysis is right! Unless you are working as Exec Asst. to a guy who likes presenting papers to high sounding scholars, you will do very little analysis. Real life is about action, not unending, silly ppt presentations to all and sundry. However if you cannot do a ppt, well you will not be hired. Oxymoron? well that is your boss – as stubborn as an Ox and a moron at that!
5. What you think is over promise is now the standard, sorry kids standards have changed…
6. Corporate India is not waiting to take you and put you through 2 years of training! You join Monday and attend target meetings on Wednesday. That was because Tuesday was a compulsory National Holiday. By Friday you have been screamed at once for not doing anything – unmindful that HR is yet to send your card for printing…
7. In corporate India the ‘Dhurva’ story will get reinforced day in and day out. The projects which the ‘Lala’ likes will get done. Others will not. Period. Read it again. Corporate world is run for egos not necessarily what is profitable, ethical, moral or right….If the project on which you are working is not priority, well it is not priority. So what?
8. If your boss (read the guy who is going to decide your promotion) does not like a project, ignore that project. Simple knowing who is the immediate king is a MUST in the jungle. So a deer has to respect not only the lion but also the cheetah. If you are in operations the branch manager is NOT your boss, it is the Operations Director. I hope you have no doubts…….
9. The fees that you pay us is not really justified, but we priced it to include the premium your father and mother will pay to satisfy their ego. Sorry, but so what?
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