When a person is dying..what do you think are likely to be his/ her major regrets? Do you think there could be a pattern?

Has any research been done on that? What are YOUR regrets…I mean if your death was to happen NOW, what would be your biggest regret? or regrets?

Based on an article in Guardian of UK..(based on the experiences of a pallative nurse). There was nobody who said..I wish I had done bungee jumping…Here is the summary, in the order of importance:

1. I wish I had led my life for myself and not for others: Believe me, this is a fantastic secret, I am letting you on this. Frankly the world does not care. Take charge of your life and do what you think is right. LIVE FOR YOURSELF. The world does not care. Your parents, spouse, children, friends do not care beyond a point. Do what you like and enjoy.

2. I wish I had not worked so hard: I believe all MALE patients said this. Not sure why not enough women patients? No clue. But most people wish that they had relaxed more or had a better work-life balance. They missed their children’s growing up, social life, etc. To me this also means that they EARNED MUCH MORE than what they needed. That sounds so odd, does it not? Life long you chase money and when you are dying you WONDER why you did it.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings…Go, go out there and tell people exactly what you think. It is an awesome stress reliever. Give up clients who are a pain. Give up friends who are too taxing. ..and tell the people who matter how much you love them. Familiar?

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends!  This is funny, but not many people do this! 

5. I wish I was happier: HOW MANY OF MY READERS ACCEPT that happiness is a matter of choice?

I am trying to sort out each one of them. Clearly I have an amazing family, a great extended family, a good set of friends, classmates, run and cycling buddies. The reason?

I just go and do what I want. Simple. Remember the Nike ad? Just Do it.

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  1. Subra,

    The above points are obvious and simple. Therefore very difficult to follow, esp by Indians – who believe something, say something different and do something else altogether.

    I have known people who have ignored their immediate family’s needs and helped all their relatives only to find out in their sunset years – that it was all a waste. They are not even appreciated or respected…by simply laughed at for being a fool!

  2. Also frankly I DO NOT THINK these points are OBVIOUS AND SIMPLE. It may be in retrospect, PERHAPS. I do not see enough people have the guts to do it. Not my problem, just my observation. I am indifferent to how people live their lives – unless it has an impact on what I DO.

  3. Subra,

    Hmmmm. Thats a thought. However I agree that people do not have the guts to live their life the way they want. Sabse bada rog kya kahenge log – What will people say.

  4. point number 3, 4 and 5 are awesome. I have been trying to follow it some extent without damaging my family and proffesional life.
    And I agree If something does not bother them and does not affect me then why should I be bothered.

  5. How can we fit with what people felt in US & UK into India Context???? The social env is quite different.

    In my hometown the old people says as & when they married their last kin their DUTY is over and they will happyily can DIE if it comes. Can the guys in US & UK atleast think marrying their kin a DUTY. The env & problems of theirs are completely diff from here.

  6. Quite an apt observation from PAE.
    However, the central theme is intact. When we look at what others are saying – we will be able to relate to those points which affect us as well. So pick and choose as per your liking!!

    Also pls note that when a survey is taken – it will follow some statistical patten depending on the source sample (may or may not be bell!!) So the most common ones indeed means “common” ones, not necessary that those apply to ‘all’. Have your own wishes!!

  7. subra sir , just want to check with you as you meet so many people
    s you wrote earlier also what to do pressure from society for having at least 2 kids irrespective of gender

    well the cost of bringing up a kid is almost 2 crore( read some where in your blog only) is it worth
    keeping in align even current generation even if they want dont able to provide much support to their parents -cost of living is very high….,what to expect new breed when they are having so much peer pressure , pressure from TV …

    so finally is it worth it
    so what your opinion on same -I have one kid , facing constant pressure for 2 kids , move to purchased flat from rental , some time it goes over the top too difficult , who says being male is so easy

    your one line sticks with me ” now the boy can not even dream of having a sick leave also” read some where in your blog


  8. @ Rohit

    Do you live for yourself or for others? Do not measure your self-esteem by the fragile opinion of others.

    If you want two children, go ahead; but if you want to be seen as a father of two children because of societal concerns, then please do not.

  9. Hi Subra,
    Nice points. I read the same thing in Hindustan times paper last week.
    Nice job any ways.
    I like your articles


    Thomas Alexander

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